Behind the Smile: What They Don't Always See

This month is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and as a survivor myself, I want to share a little bit of my story for awareness, encouragement, and healing.

This isn’t a story of pain for the sake of pain.

It’s a story of faith, freedom, and finding purpose after the storm of experiencing domestic abuse.

Trigger warning:

This blog isn’t graphic but the topic can still be heavy. If at any point you need to pause, please do. Take care of your heart first. 💜

Where It All Started

To really understand, I have to start from the beginning.

I grew up with low self-worth, low self-esteem, and low confidence, for a lot of different reasons mainly due to the traumas of life. Somewhere along the way, I internalized the idea that I wasn’t enough.

Because of that, I often ended up in relationships with people I thought could fill those voids. I just wanted to feel loved, seen, validated, and chosen.

But what I didn’t realize was this:

People who prey on others can sense when you don’t know your worth.

They can sense when your boundaries are loose, when you’re desperate for validation, and when your heart is open but unprotected.

Why Knowing Your Worth Matters

This is why knowing your worth matters because it becomes your spiritual armor.

When you don’t know your worth, you start accepting things that were never meant for you. You start:

• Mistaking control for care
  
  

• Calling chaos “passion”
  
  

• Tolerating pain and labeling it as love
  
  

That’s what happened to me.

Each time I thought I’d finally found love, it turned abusive, emotionally, mentally, and most of the time physically.

And it wasn’t a one-time thing. It became a pattern. A painful cycle that repeated itself.

The Cycle

I assumed people on the outside often wondered after the fact:

 “If that kept happening to you, maybe it was you?” or “You must have been doing something to provoke it.”

But I absolutely did not. And none of the times did I actually fight back or stand up for myself.

The only thing I was guilty of was not knowing my worth.

Back then, I didn’t have a voice. I didn’t have a backbone. So I stayed. I endured.

And I did what so many others do, I hid behind a smile. I showed up appearing “happy.” I pretended.

Because when you’re in survival mode, pretending feels safer than explaining.

What Abuse Looked Like for Me

There were times I had to get restraining orders.

A time when someone broke into my apartment and hid there until I came home. I literally saw my life flash before my eyes.

There was a time I was pushed out of a car.

Another time, I was spit on.

I share this not for sympathy but to remind you that domestic violence doesn’t have a face.

It doesn’t discriminate. It doesn’t care about education, income, faith, ethnicity, age, or appearance.

It often hides behind “happy” social media posts and curated images of perfection.

But the truth was:

People didn’t really know what I was going through.

I was always smiling, always joyful, always showing up, always seeming to be strong.

But behind that strength was fear. And many times it was the fear to leave.

Why People Don’t “Just Leave”

Let’s talk about domestic violence victims and why they “don’t just leave.”

I didn’t leave because I was afraid.

I didn’t leave because I felt worthless.

I didn’t leave because I was ashamed.

I didn’t leave because I didn’t know my value.

I didn’t leave because the apologies got louder.

I didn’t leave because I just wanted to feel loved.

I didn’t leave because I hoped change would come.

I didn’t leave because I was constantly gaslighted.

I didn’t leave because I was emotionally manipulated.

I didn’t leave because I thought people would blame me.

But one day, something shifted.

I found the courage to report the abuse to school officials.

In another case, I found the courage to file a restraining order.

And finally, I found the courage to walk away for good.

Healing from abuse starts by understanding the shame that keeps people stuck.

• You’ve been told it’s your fault.
  
  

• You think you’re overreacting.
  
  

• You’re scared no one will believe you.
  
  

• You don’t know who you are without them.
  
  

Abuse thrives in silence.

It feeds off isolation.

And it makes you feel like the only way to survive is to stay quiet.

But the truth is: your silence does not protect you.

And you deserve more than survival.

You deserve safety, wholeness, and joy.

When Pain Disguises Itself as Love

No one wakes up and says, “I want to be in an abusive relationship.”

Abuse is subtle at first.

It wears the mask of control disguised as “protection.”

It whispers:

• “You don’t need them, you have me.”
  
  

• “No one will love you like I do.”
  
  

• “This is your fault.”
  
  

And slowly, you start to believe it.

That’s what happened to me.

It didn’t start with bruises. It started with emotional cuts:

Criticism. Control. Isolation.

Until eventually, I lost pieces of myself trying to love someone who didn’t know how to love without hurting.

Maybe your story looks different.
Maybe it was verbal abuse.
Maybe financial.
Maybe spiritual manipulation.
Maybe the kind of pain that doesn’t leave physical scars but changes the way you look at yourself in the mirror.

What Domestic Abuse Really Does

Abuse “tries” to do three things:

1. Diminish your worth
   
   

2. Distort your truth
   
   

3. Disrupt your identity
   
   

But here’s the good news:

None of that gets the final say.

Because what you’ve been through doesn’t define you.

And what someone did to you cannot cancel what God placed inside of you.

Signs You Might Be Shrinking in Silence

If you’re not sure whether what you’ve experienced “counts” as abuse, consider this:

• Do you constantly question your worth after every conversation with them?
  
  

• Do you feel afraid to express your feelings?
  
  

• Have you stopped spending time with people who care about you?
  
  

• Do you feel like you're always walking on eggshells?
  
  

• Do you blame yourself for their anger?
  
  

If any of this sounds familiar, you don’t have to keep enduring it to prove your strength.

💜 A Message to the Survivors Who Made It Out

If you’ve survived abuse, let me start by saying: Praise God your story didn’t end any other way.

You are not your scars.
You are not your trauma.

You are the proof that healing is possible.

If you carry guilt, shame, or embarrassment about what you went through, please hear me:

It was never your fault.

Someone abusing, manipulating, or hurting you was never your fault.

Healing isn’t linear. Triggers happen. Memories resurface. But keep showing up for yourself anyway.

You are strong. You are resilient. You are absolutely amazing.

And I pray that now you know your worth and never let anyone make you forget it again.

You’re Not What You Went Through

The most powerful truth I’ve learned is this:

You are not what you went through.

You are a survivor.
A healer.
A overcomer.
A warrior.

No matter how broken you may feel right now, you are still whole in the eyes of God.

Still seen.
Still chosen.
Still valuable.

💜 A Message to the Person Still in It

Maybe nobody around you knows.
Maybe you’re afraid to speak up.
Maybe you’ve tried to leave before.

Sis. Bro. Listen: you have to think about your future.

Ask yourself: Is what I’m in right now aligned with the life I want?

Imagine your most peaceful, beautiful life, is this relationship helping you get there?

If not, it’s time to find a way out.
Find trusted people or safe spaces.
Reach out to a shelter, a friend, or a family member.

If you have to involve law enforcement, do it.
If you have children, think about their future too.

You do not deserve this.
You are worthy. You have purpose.

Please, seek the help and resources you need to start building the life you dream of.

And Know That You Are Not to Blame

Let me be clear:

• What they did/are doing is not your fault.
  
  

• You didn’t “make” them act that way.
  
  

• You’re not crazy. You’re not dramatic. You’re not too sensitive.
  
  

You are being targeted by someone who is manipulating your compassion.

And you stayed or are staying because you are human.

But now, you’re reading this, which means something in you still believes in the possibility of more.

That belief?

That’s YOUR power. That’s your starting point.

A Message to the Supporters

If you know someone who’s been through domestic violence, please be a listening ear.

Don’t say things like “I could never be in that situation” or “I would’ve left.”

Because you never really know until you’re in it.

Some of the strongest people you know are in these situations right now as you are reading this.

When it becomes emotional and mental, it’s not just about “walking away.”

It’s about manipulation. Fear. Control.

So show grace. Show compassion. Offer help where you can.

Even a kind word or small gesture can be the very thing that gives someone the courage to leave.

Domestic violence affects millions and you never know when it could touch someone you love.

Be a voice of awareness, a safe space, and a light.

What Healing Has Taught Me

Healing isn’t a straight line.

There were days I grieved what hurt me.
There were moments I questioned if I overreacted.
There were nights I grieved what I thought I had.

But over time, I rebuilt.

Here’s what I want you to take with you:

• You can heal and still have days where you cry about it.
  
  

• You can love someone and still leave them.
  
  

• You can be kind and still protect yourself.
  
  

• You can forgive and still have boundaries.
  
  

Hope & Healing 

And I just want to say this, there is life after abuse.
There is hope after heartbreak.
There is peace after pain.

Because my story didn’t end there.

Today, I run this purpose-driven beauty brand, Strands of Faith that was born from the same spirit of resilience that once kept me alive and “keeping the faith”!

I now have a husband who loves me the way I always prayed for, and we have four beautiful children who remind me daily why I keep healing, fighting, and sharing my story!

That’s not to say it has been easy, it hasn’t.

But my story is proof that healing is possible.

You can rebuild.
You can be happy again.
You can have peace again.

Your story doesn’t have to end in pain.
It can end in purpose.

So if you’re reading this, please know:

It can and will get better.

And one day, you’ll look back and thank yourself for choosing you!

Practical Steps to Begin Your Healing

If this blog resonates with you, here are a few places to start:

1. Name it.
Speak the truth aloud.

 "This was abuse."
"This hurt me."
"This wasn’t love."

2. Tell someone safe.
A friend, therapist, support group, or hotline.
You don’t have to carry it alone.

3. Create a safety plan (if you’re still in it).
Work with a professional or advocate to plan your exit safely.

4. Reconnect with your body and spirit.
Trauma lives in the body.
Healing can look like rest, prayer, movement, journaling, or therapy.

5. Remind yourself daily:

• "I am worthy of love that doesn’t hurt."
  
  

• "I am not broken, I am healing."
  
  

• "I can rebuild."
  

For the One Reading This in Silence

If you’re still in it, I see you.
If you left but feel broken, I see you.
If you’ve never told a soul what happened, I see you.

And I want to speak this truth into your spirit:

There is life after this.
There is joy after this.
There is peace after this.

This isn’t just a story. It’s my story. Any it may also be your story or someone you know!

It’s a reminder to survivors.
A clarion call to supporters.
A mustard seed of faith and hope to anyone still in the cycle.

And when you're ready, your story might just become someone else’s survival guide.

You are not alone.
You are not the things that happened to you.
You are loved. You are worthy. And you are worth choosing again and again!

Keep the Faith. 💚👑

P.S.: If you or someone you know is suffering from Domestic abuse, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.